Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
