I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
