i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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