I just made out with a guy for $7.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
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Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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