Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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