My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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