dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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