Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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