areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
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I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
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in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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