Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
