First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
