i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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