That's intense
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
