Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
