You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
