I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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