did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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