ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
