Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
