if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Your dad touched me again.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
