I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
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They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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