I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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