i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Duck Duck Cougar?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
