and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
