I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
