I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
