I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Dignity is for republicans.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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