Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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