The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
