OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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