If that was your dad, he is hot
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
