Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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