Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
