you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
did i walk over a car last night?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
A+ Viking dick
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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