THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
