I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
