So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
