I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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