Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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