You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
did i walk over a car last night?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
