My room smells like vodka and shame
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
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after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
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Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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