I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
