Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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