who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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