In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
