Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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