They should really pass out barf bags in church
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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