how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
