Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
