i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
