It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
