you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize