I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
