in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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