i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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