I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Randomize
