You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
