i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
