im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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