I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
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I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
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She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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