So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
