How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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