I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
