dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
