the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
