never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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