The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
