I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
