just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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