I didn't shave. On purpose
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
foreskin is a definite game changer
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
