I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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