I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
