Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm having to shit out rocks
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