I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize